Announcement: ‘I Think Therefore I Am’ gets a new home and a new name

I will now be posting over to my new domain name at http://valeriemondesir.com/. The new blog name is InsightFull blog.

It’s a work in progress but it’s still home. It’s mine and it’s perfect.

I hope you’ll come on over and check it out! I look forward to interacting with you all and growing together as imperfectly perfect humans (Cheesy I know, but true!). Also please be sure to subscribe to the new blog and update your links if you’ve linked to my blog in the past. You can also add me on Twitter where I tweet updates and share other interesting information. Click here to follow me (I’m @valeriemondesir).

If you’re new, don’t forget to introduce yourself at the new blog and I’ll subscribe to your blog and add you on Twitter if you have those.

Learn to quit with confidence by asking why

There’s a lot of confusion out there about knowing when to quit. Sometimes you hear that “winners never quit.“ Other times, it’s “winners always quit.”  So which one is the correct one? I’d say both of them are. It really depends on you and the situation you’re in. I personally believe it’s important to know why your quitting. If you can figure that out, the when part will take care of itself.

What does quitting mean to you?

Quitting has a negative connotation that is rather undeserved. We have a tendency to link quitting with failure. Ironically, people give up far more than they persevere. Perhaps this is why quitting is viewed in such a negative light – because it’s so common. People are conditioned to give up easily when the going gets rough. 

Trouble is, they frequently don’t know why they’re quitting except that “it’s too hard” or “it’s impossible.” It’s a puny excuse that often goes by another name: laziness. At least if they’d admit they quit because they were lazy, people might have a chance at correcting it.

Distinguishing between quitting as a mindset and an action.

Quitting can be viewed in two ways. It can be a mindset and it can be an action. People who have a quitter’s mentality and a generally negative view of the world will quit easily, pressure others to quit, and find reasons to justify it. This is a vicious cycle of self-hate. They quit before they even start.

On the other hand, you can see quitting as an action. Many success-minded people quit all the time. They decide to do something and give it their all. Sometimes, they realize the cost is much more than they wanted to pay. So they cut their losses, learn from it, and move on to the next thing. No harm, no foul. 

Decide to quit and do it with confidence

If you let it, quitting can be a blessing in disguise. Quitting doesn’t have to mean failure if you gained something from it. Here are some questions to help you decide if you should quit and why:

1. Did you give it your all? Really? Remember: anything worth having usually isn’t easy to get. What you get out of something is a result of how much effort you put into it, and you probably won’t see any results for a while. If you put little effort, don’t be surprised if you don’t get much. Secondly, poor results doesn’t necessarily mean something isn’t worth achieving, especially if you’re new to the game. It either means a) you need to try harder or b) if the thought of trying harder puts you off, it just isn’t for you, specifically. 
2. Do you still believe in yourself and what you’re trying to accomplish? Are you still passionate about it? Beliefs will wax and wane. Sure, you may feel all pumped up in the beginning and think it will stay that way. Just drop that thought now while you’re at it – nothing is constant and feelings are no exception. Give yourself another month or two to see if you feel more bad than good about what you’re doing. You need to get a feel for your general attitude towards what you’re doing. Another thing: passions and interests can and do change completely over the years. Don’t resist it. Move on to your next thing.  
3. Do you feel as if you’re sacrificing too much (time, money, friends, etc)?  Everything has its price and you need to decide what you’re willing to pay. If you’re really into what you’re doing, you’ll be willing to give up more than someone who isn’t into it OR you’ll find a way to reduce the cost. This doesn’t mean the decision to sacrifice will be easy, it means you’ll be more sure about making it. If you’re fussing about pennies or worrying too much about short-term results, you need to step back and look into something else. 
4. Is what you’re doing bringing you closer to what you want to do or where you want to be in life? Again, don’t worry about minute details – look at the grand scheme of your life. Of course nothing will go exactly as you planned. But if you have a vision, do your best to move in that general direction – even if it means quitting things that aren’t working.  
5. Are you learning something from all this? No matter what you do, there’s always something you can learn from it. I’d venture to say that the bigger the crisis, the more you can learn from it. Don’t be afraid to quit if you understand why you’re quitting. That way you can refine what you know about yourself and do better the next time around.

Only you can decide if it’s best to quit, not a bunch of clichéd sayings. Quitting is never easy, but do the best you can with the information you’ve got. And when you do, decide to quit with confidence. Don’t give yourself a reason to regret it. 

101 Ways to Discover Yourself

1. Try your hand at poetry. Express yourself creatively. Sky’s the limit. Submit your best ones.

2. Write a love letter to yourself. Then frame it where everyone can see it.

3. Go to a child’s playground just before sundown and swing on the swing set.

4. Closely study your finger/handprints and marvel.

5. Blast the car radio on to your favorite song and sing along loudly. Rinse and repeat.

6. Paint. Something. Anything. Who cares if you think you suck. You’re probably wrong to someone else.

7. Stop making assumptions. Imagine if you were in their situation.

8. Take a walk on the beach during sunset and focus on your senses. The feel of the wind against your skin. The smell of the ocean. The sound of the waves crashing. The color of the sky. Find a rhythm. Breathe in sync with it. An orchestra of your senses.

9. Listen to classical music in the dark right before you fall asleep. Each person derives their own story from each piece. What’s your story?

10. Indulge in your favorite treat and savor every bite.

11. Laugh hysterically for no reason at all. When you laugh you are in touch with your Being.

12. Walk around downtown aimlessly. On foot. Don’t go with a destination in mind. Be open to anything.

13. Go on a day-long car trip to somewhere you’ve never been before. Like a strawberry farm or an apple orchard in the country.

14. If the way you’re thinking and living is not working, doubt yourself.

15. Go an entire week without watching TV once. See where your imagination takes you.

16. Even more challenging: Go an entire week without signing on to the Internet once.

17. Play with your pet. If you don’t have a pet, visit one at a shelter. Or baby-sit your friend’s pet for a day.

18. Volunteer and speak up for a cause you *really* care about.

19. Create a vision board and post it up where everyone can see it. Change it up every couple of months. Because it’s okay for your vision to change.

20. Cook up a Thanksgiving feast with all your favorite foods. Invite your loved ones. Who says you have to wait for Thanksgiving?

21. Make presents for your loved ones. Don’t buy them. You never know what you might create.

22. Sign up for a course you’re interested in at your local community college.

23. Get away from civilization. Go camping for a long weekend. It’s good for your sanity.

24. Call in sick from time to time, even if you aren’t sick. Do nothing if you’d like but don’t ruin it by watching TV … be creative.

25. That quirky mom-and-pop restaurant you pass by everyday? Walk in and try their special. It will probably taste better than any chain restaurant you’ve been to.

26. Pick any random spot on a world map (use a dart if you have to) and make a plan to visit in a year. It’s amazing how your mind will find ways to make things work if you let it.

25. Take up dancing lessons. Even if you think you’ll suck. How will you ever get better if you don’t try? Who knows, you might have a really good rhythm.

26. Avoid eating out (restaurants and fast food) for a month.

27. Avoid eating meat for a month. Observe changes to your body and your energy level.

28. Eliminate as many processed foods as you can from your diet.

29. Try learning a language you never thought of before. Learning a new language can expose you to a different way of thinking.

30. Put away your iPod/MP3 player and be more aware of the sounds around you. Don’t take them for granted.

31. Invite someone you admire for lunch and pick their brain.

32. Make time to spend in nature everyday and find inspiration.

33. Conquer your fear of public speaking and boost your confidence. Attend a Toastmaster meeting and see if you like it.

34. Learn (or relearn) to play an instrument. Once you get the hang of it, it can be very peaceful.

35. Aggressively de-clutter your life and living space. Don’t think twice about throwing things out or selling them if you have no concrete use for them.

36. Learn self-defense or a martial art. Both can build self-discipline and confidence.

37. Start a personal blog or journal, if you haven’t already. There’s no pressure to perform well or stick to a topic and you can really sort your thoughts.

38. Experiment with different ways of meditation to find out what works best for you.

39. Practice breathing meditation anywhere at any time (especially when you feel crappy).

40. Sign off Facebook/Twitter/what-have-you social media outlet and make an effort to meet your friends in person. It’s easier to have more meaningful conversations that way.

41. Don’t be a slave to trends, fashion or otherwise. Follow your own heart and interests.

42. Tackle your finances. It’s not as scary as you think it is and financial independence is one of the keys to happiness.

43. Stop participating in self-hate by comparing yourself to other people. They’re them. You’re you. Love yourself for who you are. End of story.

44. Smile and wave at strangers, even the homeless guy on the street. Don’t be offended if some people don’t respond … they’re the ones who needed it the most.

45. Exercise more, even if it’s just walking vigorously. Remember: endorphins are your friends.

46. Don’t keep the phone on you 24/7 and impose limits. The world won’t collapse if you don’t answer every time. And your real friends won’t leave. Trust me.

47. Learn about different world religions. At their core, they are all the same. But you can expose yourself to different perspectives.

48. Quit bitching about politics. Speaking up is great, but not if you’re not actively doing anything to improve your life or the situation at hand.

49. Stop looking for perfection. You already have it in you. Decide what it is and just be it.

50. Take responsibility for anything that happens to you in your life. Note I didn’t say take blame. Responsibility and blame are two different things.

51. On a second note: avoid blaming anyone, including yourself, for anything.

52. Be a kid for a day. Jump on a trampoline or in a bounce house. Do some cartwheels. Watch old Disney movies. Get lost in a candy store.

53. Write and send a thank you letter to someone you look up to. Even if you don’t personally know them.

54. Send your long-distance friends a real letter or a care package via snail mail. Yes, people still love those.

55. Try to reach out and develop a close friendship with your parents and siblings. Even if they screwed up. Because when they’re gone, they’re gone.

56. Act silly even if it’s totally inappropriate. Everyone, even you, can use a good laugh in a tense situation.

57. If you feel like crying or shouting, let it go. It will release the tension and leave room for deeper introspection.

58. Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are. Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be and people who support you.

59. Stop obsessing over calories and dieting and focus on a quality diet. If you can’t pronounce the ingredients, it’s not quality. Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re not. Keep it simple, stupid.

60. Take anything the media says with a grain of salt. Just avoid it all together if you can.

61. Don’t have a stick up your ass. Laugh at your failings and the failings of civilization. Life’s a soap opera. Play along, but realize it’s just a soap opera.

62. Jump into mud puddles. Have a snowball fight. Don’t be afraid to get dirty every now and then.

63. Quit carrying around so much junk. You don’t need most of it. Learn to pack light.

64. Don’t rely on the government or anyone else, even a supreme being, to solve your problems. Only you can solve it. Once you understand that, you’ll learn that you’re capable of anything.

65. Understand that everyone has (or will have) a disability of some sort and every disability has its advantages. So don’t let it hold you down. Push yourself to the limit. If you don’t understand that, get to know someone with a disability.

66. Ditch caffeine and other stimulants. Don’t fight your natural sleep cycle too hard. It doesn’t work and it screws with your ability to be alive.

67. Just do it. And stop getting in your way.

68. Spend your money on experiences, not things. You might as well. The money and the stuff will not be coming with you when you die. But your experiences, they will die with you and live in the memories of others.

69. Learn to live below your means. That budget you have? Cut it down by 20%. You’d be surprised how well you can get by without crap you didn’t really need in the first place.

70. What would Socrates say? Try to see all sides of every story. Are you pro-life? Try being pro-choice for a day. Are you pro-choice? Try being pro-life for a day.

71. Don’t let statistics dictate how you live. Statistics lie. Your mind is more powerful than a bunch of numbers.

72. What’s your biggest dream? No matter how crazy it sounds, believe in it with every fiber of your being. Whether it takes 2 weeks or a year. And don’t forget to do something tangible every day, no matter how small, to achieve it.

73. Winners know when to quit. If you truly aren’t feeling something anymore, you’ve got to let it go eventually. What’s life if you aren’t enjoying it most of the time?

74. Just remember it ain’t always about you. Give back whenever and wherever you can without expecting something in return.

75. Become a better communicator and listener. You’ll understand that at their core, everyone wants the same thing you do.

76. Love hard or don’t love at all. Everyone loses when you half-ass it with expectations and mistrust.

77. The health care industry isn’t the problem. You are. Be an active participant in improving yourself mentally and physically. Save up for medical emergencies. Do something every day to better your health. You’ll be much sharper.

78. Read everything you can get your hands on. And don’t get stale by reading only topics and stories you’re used to reading about.

79. Have a pen pal from another country. Or a friend who lived most of their lives outside the U.S. You can really learn a lot from them.

80. Don’t be a slave to time. Remove the clocks in your house. Stop rushing and worrying.

81. Write up a life list. You might see a pattern and discover what you’re really passionate about.

82. Remember that education and knowledge are two different things. There are a lot of stupid educated people and smart uneducated people. Never stop learning and never let education interfere with your ability to learn.

83. If you’re really not okay, don’t pretend to be. Everyone has crappy days every now and then. Just don’t let them consume your life.

84. Appreciate the little things. Savor the little steps. Without them, you wouldn’t be who you are right now.

85. Change is inevitable, so learn how to adjust easily. You are a dynamic person, so don’t expect otherwise.

86. Detach yourself from the world every now and then. Don’t talk to a living soul for a few days. We’re social creatures, but solitude can be a good healer. Just don’t get stuck in that state.

87. Boredom is a state of mind and a habit, not a result of your external circumstances. Constantly trying to defeat boredom externally can be destructive. Stop saying you’re bored and find out what truly interests you.

88. If you don’t see yourself as black and white, how can you expect the rest of the world to be? You are a part of the world and it is a part of you. Open your heart to it.

89. Don’t be too quick to say no to new experiences. Usually you have nothing to lose and everything to gain (even if you lose).

90. Love is all around you; in fact, it’s already in you. If you don’t see it, you’re just not in the right place spiritually.

91. If you make a mistake, recover fast and learn from it. Laugh at yourself if you have to. Because that’s what you’ll be doing five years from now anyway.

92. Unhappy with your relationship? Don’t give up easily. See it as a test. Try different ways of working through it. Even if it falls apart anyway, you’ll still learn a lot about yourself.

93. Anything you fear, you must eventually face. Why not face it now when it’s in your control?

94. Don’t be intimidated by age: you’re as old as you feel. Never say “I’m too old to _________.” Because then, you probably are. There are plenty of old people out there who can prove it to you.

95. Seek quality over quantity. Don’t buy into the notion that life is a popularity contest. People who live like that aren’t truly living.

96. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or ask for help. If you don’t ask, you’ll remain right where you are. You’ve got to start somewhere and you won’t start out as an expert.

97. Be slapstick. Fly by the seat of your pants. The rest of the world might think you’ve got a serious case of ADD but at least you’ll be getting more done than 99% of them.

98. Want a taste of humility? Visit or volunteer in a third world country with your eyes wide open. You’ll realize just how privileged your life has been. You’ll realize how much choice you have no matter how corrupt you think the government and media are, no matter how much tax you pay, no matter how poor your family was, etc.

99. Stop nagging and whining. You’ll piss a lot of people off. State what you want or you’ll never get it.

100. Create your own traditions and holidays. It will bring a lot of meaning to your life. You don’t just have to follow the ones on the calendar.

101. Choose your own path and live it voraciously. If you don’t choose, someone else will choose it for you and there’s no way in hell you’ll be eager about it.

Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments!

My Brazen Blog Crush is …

… Andrew Stuhl of sum.ology. Because what’s not to love about him?

He’s passionate about the environment and is working on his PhD on the environmental history of the Arctic. Prior to starting his doctoral studies, he had volunteered in the Canadian Arctic for a year in 2007. I thought that was a pretty gutsy move … because you just don’t volunteer to leave the comforts of home and live in the Arctic for a year unless you’re heads-over-heels crazy about it. If you ask me, the world needs a lot more passionate people, no matter what their passion is.

But there’s a whole lot more to Andrew than his rather unique love of the Arctic.

At sum.ology, Andrew writes about his studies and other projects he’s interested in, such as unity among the Inuit peoples at Inuvik. His blog also contains a wealth of interesting information ranging from making music with nature to perfecting your elevator speech and thoughts from his 10-day fast.

Andrew is definitely an interesting guy (and friendly too: he was among the first people to contact me when I started at Brazen Careerist). He’s got a ton of insight and is a valuable member to the Brazen Careerist community. What more can you ask from a Brazen Blog Crush?  

Be sure you stop by his blog and check out what you’ve been missing! Follow him on Twitter. Fan him on Brazen Careerist.

This post was written as part of the #BrazenBlogCrush Contest. Click here for details.

Boredom and lethargy: A sign of the times (and the mind)

I used to have a problem with feeling fatigued on a constant basis for no apparent reason. And this was even if I get more than seven hours of sleep the previous night. This is an extremely frustrating situation to be in.

You can blame it on other people but that doesn’t work. People may attribute it to laziness and you may even start believing them. Maybe you get so fed up that you schedule an appointment with your doctor. But what happens when the doctor takes you through a battery of tests and still finds nothing wrong with you? What happens when exercise or diet doesn’t seem to bring a significant change in your energy level? Where do you turn? Is it really all in your mind then?

Guess what: it probably IS in your mind.

Boredom is an important factor to consider when it comes to fatigue. Boredom can and does produce effects of tiredness. It’s important to note that boredom doesn’t mean you have nothing to do. It could actually mean that you are busy doing mundane tasks that aren’t stimulating you. Jane Matthews terms it as ’busy being bored‘ which I think is a brilliant way to put it.

Does this mean we have to constantly battle against boredom? Not necessarily. I personally don’t think there is a problem with being bored. Boredom isn’t just a state of mind; sometimes it’s a fact of life. Even the most adventurous person is bound to find themselves having periods of inertia when they are completely bored out of their minds. It’s during these moments of inertia where we get extremely comfortable with where we are (whether we’re happy about it or not). Some people may get especially resistant to change while others are more likely to push themselves out of their comfort zone. What is the distinguishing factor here?

It seems like people who tolerate boredom tend to be eternally in a rut. People who see boredom as a disease risk getting into destructive behaviors. Balance is key here.  Constantly pushing yourself past the limit is not only a highly unstable way to live, but most people aren’t going to do that anyway. Asking a fatigued person to do a 180 on their lives overnight is not effective.

That said, overcoming boredom and fatigue isn’t easy. It won’t happen overnight and you probably won’t see any major changes for weeks. But you do have to commit yourself to change and work at it every day. Here are some other articles over at the Someday Syndrome blog that may be of help:

• Bored with being bored? – by Jane Matthews
• Breaking your inertia habit – by Dragos Roua
• Boredom as an emotional state - by Melinda Brennan
• Kicking the boredom habit – by Jane Matthews

Why transactional love is important

Seems like there’s no gray areas in love. You either love hard or you don’t love at all. Seems like common sense, so why aren’t we following it?

I’ve been reading a very insightful book by Nithyananda called Guaranteed Solutions. In portions of the book, Swamiji (the name which Nithyananda often goes by) discusses love. Love is a very confusing subject, whether it is parent-child, platonic, or romantic. We think we know what it is and often end up back at square one just when we think we got it all figured out.

Apparently the reason why we are so confused about love is because we tend to view love as transactional. We do this consciously and unconsciously.

We do things in the name of love and expect something back in return. A parent provides for a child in the name of love in hopes that the child will take care of them when they grow old. You may help another friend out simply because you’re thinking that your friend will be indebted to you later. A person in love will remain faithful in hopes that their lover will act in kind. 

Love in our society has really become a quid pro quo business arrangement.

Maybe that’s why we’re so fickle when it comes to love. That’s why parents may be quick to disown their children. Why the divorce rate stands at a staggering 50%+. Why we’ve become serial daters and serial monogamists. If someone doesn’t meet our terms, move over buddy. When are we going to realize that we’re constantly setting ourselves up for disappointment?

Despite what a Master might say, is it really even possible for us commoners to love in totality? Are we doomed to half-assing it and using manipulation?

I think it’s possible to love in totality. Even with human nature being what it is. Even with human nature’s stong attachment to its ego. Because total love is a process. I wrote in my last post that perfection is possible because of its dynamic nature. We aren’t perfect when we reach a specified end point. We’re perfect just for having the courage to walk down the road.

I would say the same thing about love. The Masters themselves have a hard time defining total love. Why? Because love, like many things in life, is dynamic and internal. 

Many of us start out seeing love as transactional because that’s what we’re taught. This form of love is of the autopilot, bare-bones variety. But even if many of us don’t exercise it, we all have the capability to grow past that. I would say that for most people transactional love is the first step of a lifelong process. There’s simply no end point since we can always improve the way we love others. 

But how can most of us ever begin to understand love if we don’t understand the ways it’s misunderstood? And what better way to understand these ways than to live it?

Perfection does exist, but not the way we think of it

In the personal development community, perfection has become a dirty word. Experts and non-experts alike constantly tout how impossible perfection is. But if we are all limited by our own perceptions then why can’t perfection be possible? Your life may not be perfect to your next door neighbor, but it’s perfect to you. Long story short: one person’s idea of perfect is another person’s imperfect. Period.

Perfectionism has a negative connotation for two reasons. The first is that society has distorted the meaning of perfect. Society’s version of perfect is a standardized vision. It’s created to be a one-size-fits-all vision. It also defines perfection externally. Secondly, people suck at accurately predicting the future.

Many of us may subscribe to society’s idea of perfect. We attach ourselves to this definition so much that we don’t even bother to define what’s perfect to us, as individuals. It’s easier to see someone else’s version of perfect and ask for specific directions to get there in order to avoid making mistakes. A lot of times we get so scared of not following these directions to a tee that we don’t do anything at all. If we do manage to achieve what we perceive to be society’s definition of perfect (at least externally), we find out it’s not perfect at all.

This brings me to my second point about people’s pathetic psychic skills. We envision how something should be, no matter how unrealistic that vision is. When we fail to live up to that vision we feel let down. We begin to believe the world will never be perfect. This is an unfair assumption because we are basing perfection off of a dream, frequently someone else’s dream.

Personally, I think we spend too much time trying to define perfect. Perfection can’t be defined. It can’t be planned. Some people end up “finding” perfection by accident: they realize that everything has been perfect all along.

I reject the notion that perfection is static. It’s 100% dynamic and it’s 100% internal.

Perfection is a journey, not an end point. People say practice makes perfect, but I say that practice IS perfection. It’s all about making mistakes. It’s all about the bad days just as much as it is about the good days. It’s all about the big losses as much as it is about the big wins. It’s all about doubt and confidence. Perfection is about your experiences that specifically make you who you are. In other words, you are perfection and perfection is you.

On idealism and cynicism: Why it really doesn’t matter

It’s real easy at times to get caught up in ideals and positivity. The truth is constant idealism isn’t sustainable. We all love to hate that eternally peppy person who’s up at the crack of dawn smiling brightly and chatting about how grand life is. I’d personally like to smack anyone like that (but I don’t … I’m too groggy and my aim sucks donkey balls at 7 am). But even the peppiest person in the world is going to crash sometimes. They’re just better at hiding it.

There are days when you feel like you are on top of the world and there are days when you feel like everyone is out to get you. I’m no exception. Fortunately for me, I have far more of the former days. And I think that’s what counts. I think it counts when you believe in yourself no matter what kind of day you’re having.

The problem is it’s easier to believe in anything but yourself. That’s right: even the proclaimed cynics are firm in their belief that the world is a cruel joke. But to believe in yourself? If it were so easy to believe in yourself, there wouldn’t be any miserable people in the world.

No, it’s hard as hell. But it’s the only way to begin to create a life worth living.

All of this makes me question if true idealism exists. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I am skeptical that there are any true cynics. I refuse to believe there’s anyone out there who doesn’t have a dream. Irony aside, we are all idealists and cynics at the same time.

Maybe we should ditch the extra labels because, honestly, the only label that applies here is human.

*I’d like to thank Jenny Blake for inspiring this post today. Thank you and keep on keeping on.

Happiness and linear thinking is a difficult combination

I recently had the pleasure of reading Stephen’s post on acceptance and giving up. If you haven’t read it, go check it out. He discusses how people wrongly think if they accept something, it means they must give up something else.

When I read the post, I somehow thought of Star Trek. To those of you who dislike Star Trek (even though I believe you’ve been seriously misled), I promise I won’t break out into a Federation costume and start speaking Klingon. I won’t make any promises for the future, but you’re safe today.*

No, today I am talking about time. There are many Star Trek episodes where the separation between the past, the present, and the future becomes blurred. In essence, time is no longer linear. This is a very confusing thing to digest, even for me, because we all see time as linear. The past was yesterday, the present is today, the future will be tomorrow. It must happen in that order, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

However linear thinking, while practical, can create some problems if you’re not actively aware of it. Placing the past, the present, and the future into separate boxes can potentially wreck havok in your ability to be happy. Really think about it. Many of us either live in the past or in the future and we see both of them as separate from today.  We dream of happiness in the future, we dream of the good old days in the past, but we have difficulty bringing that happiness to the present. 

“When I get X, then I will finally be happy.”

Or, “I remember when I had X, I was so happy then. If only I can have that back.”

X could be a job, a spouse, a family, anything. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If you think that way, it’s pretty hard to enjoy the present, accept things as they are today, and truly be happy now.

Think of happiness existing irrespective of time. Happiness doesn’t know boundaries. It doesn’t understand what time is. It’s only limited by your own perceptions.

When you think of a happy memory from the past, suddenly you become happy. You smile, you laugh, you feel warm inside. Even if there is no external stimulus making you feel that way. The boundaries of time has been temporarily broken. Yesterday’s happiness has become the today’s happiness. What if you could capture that feeling at whim? What if you allow your happiness from the past to overflow into the present? You’ve had good memories that helped to bring you where you are today. What’s stopping you from continuing to feel good and happy today? The limitations of your mind.

Think of your dreams, your aspirations. Maybe you dream of having a fulfilling career, a loving spouse, a carefree life. And when you think of them now, you suddenly feel happy and full of hope. But it’s temporary. You’re brought back down to reality. Perhaps you’re at a job you hate. Maybe you’ve just had a nasty argument with your significant other. What if you could also capture that happiness you feel for the future at whim? Tell me, what’s stopping you from feeling happy now? *Drum roll*

What I’m really trying to say is this: Don’t let the past or the future (or your perception of it) control your ability to feel happy today.

You are perfectly free to feel happy today, because like I said, happiness isn’t linear. It doesn’t need a reason. It doesn’t need a cause or an effect. Happiness is all about accepting the past for what it was, the present for what it is, and the future for what it can be.

And it gets better still. If you make the decision to be happy today, you’ll find that today’s happiness will overflow into the past and the future if you let it. Your whole life will seem a lot happier. Your future will seem even brighter because regardless of what happens, you know only you have control over your happiness now. It won’t be dependent on hopes of people you might meet and stuff you might acquire. You’ll simply be at peace with yourself and the world.

Always remember: Live long and prosper. Peace and long life.*

*I lied. Sort of. But only a little bit.

“Hey girlfriend, you need to get rid of those bags.”

[Said in a sassy tone, of course. Complete with finger-snapping, neck-rolling, and the whole nine yards.]

Anybody who has ever traveled with someone else or has ever been in an airport knows there will always be at least one person who has way too many bags. Maybe you are one of those people, actually. It never ceases to amaze me how much crap people will bring with them on a trip.

I went to New Jersey earlier this year. On the way to my flight I saw one person check in 19 bags. Nineteen bags. What on earth does one person need with nineteen bags? I mean, doesn’t the baggage fee mean anything to these people?

If anyone wants to charge me $50 to check in a bag, I’d rather burn that bag up before I pay $50. Not because I’m cheap (I’m frugal, actually, haha). But because in the grand scheme of things, the bag and its contents are worth nothing. It’s just STUFF.

Our obsession with lugging around so much excess is also indicative of how much emotional baggage we carry in our minds. Our crowded homes and our inability to part with stuff is a reflection of our mental state. We’re so attached to emotional baggage that it becomes a part of who we are and many of us don’t even know it.

The truth is emotional baggage is what is keeping us from living the best lives, having the best careers, and being in loving relationships.

Do I think it’s possible to eliminate all emotional baggage? For most people, probably not. I wouldn’t fly anywhere overnight without at least a change of clothes. I don’t like the thought of living in a house with nothing in it. And I’d rather be dead than wipe out all my past memories (which helped shaped me into who I am today) in the name of getting rid of all my emotional baggage.

But when you’re carrying too much, it can hold you down from moving steadily. And in extreme cases, life will make you pay for it figuratively and literally. You can really end up living a life of regret. But hey, at least you’ll have your “stuff” to comfort you.

Learn how to pack light, people. Life is so much enjoyable that way.

This is a song that I freqently listen to and it’s perfect for what I’m trying to convey. The song targets young, black women (or just women, in general) who have trouble staying in relationships. Before you yawn and click the X on the right-hand corner of this window, I think the message of the song can be applied broadly to anyone, in any situation. Yes, you too, men. For that reason, I’ve also posted the lyrics. Enjoy!

“Bag Lady” Erykah Badu

 Bag lady you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way

So pack light
Ooh ooh

Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can’t hurry up, cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin, *ninjas* take off runnin
From you it’s true oh yes they do

One day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
I said, one day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space

So pack light
Ooh ooh

Girl I know sometimes it’s hard and we can’t let go
Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside
You can’t deny it you can’t stop crying
So oh, oh, oh
If you start breathin, then you won’t believe it
You’ll feel so much better (So much better baby)

Bag lady
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Ooh, ooh
Girl you don’t need it
I betcha love can make it better (repeat)
(Oh…)
Betcha love can make it better…

Bag lady, hmm
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Girl you don’t need that, hmm